Mattie

I put my four-legged best friend to sleep this afternoon.

I basically showed up at the vet with my friend Emily (whom I was very glad could go with me!) and we were immediately ushered into one of the exam rooms. We waited for about twenty minutes for the vet, and although I was upset about waiting so long for something so dreadful, looking back, I am glad I had those precious sweet moments to love on Mattie.

They had trouble giving Mattie the "pink stuff" through a needle so they ended up taking her in the back and putting a catheter in her arm. (It was remarkably similar to the ones that I see in the arms of my patients at the hospital.) So they injected the pink stuff in the catheter, Mattie gave me a kiss on the nose, and literally ten seconds later Mattie sorta sat down and that was it. It was so quick that I hardly had time to process it all. It was so peaceful. She didn't whine or whimper. She really didn't even have a big, final sigh. She just went away quietly. I kissed her goodbye and that was pretty much it.

I have never felt so loved on in all my life. There have been dozens of text messages, emails, and notes on facebook from friends who are sending their prayers and love. I am so grateful for each of them. It is a good feeling knowing that so many people were touched by Mattie and those who might never have met her but have gone through this process before.

Emily was a great distraction this evening. We went out for chips and queso and margaritas at one of the restaurants in town and then we went to Petsmart where I bought a betta fish. His name is Bernie and I will be posting pictures once he gets used to his little fish bowl.

Emily took this picture right before we left for the vet. Please excuse my puffy eyes and lack of makeup. (I tried to fix the red-eye on Mattie but it only worked on one... haha)

Anyway, long story short, I have had some emotional moments, but I think I'm holding up fairly well, all things considered. It was tough walking into my apartment this evening knowing that she wasn't going to be there to greet me like she has for the past four years. I could have stayed with a friend tonight but I just really wanted to relax and reflect on my own (and I sleep best in my own bed!) I am spending the rest of the night watching "American Idol" and then headed to bed early. Tomorrow will be difficult, and then each day will get a little bit easier until the only memories left are happy ones.

Seriously?

Seriously.